My Endymion (Sarah Michelle Gellar)

My Endymion, the lonely shepherd guide asleep
Beneath my rays of moonlight
The licks of love atop her skin
A thing of beauty,
A joy forever, its loveliness increases,
My Endymion, My Sarah,
You pass into nothingness, silent- do I dare
Wake that mind full of sweet dreams, quiet breathing
I watch you watch me, atop a tree,
Can we see a world so different,
Where we were held together by a flowery bind to us on the earth
Spite of despondence, of the inhuman dearth of noble natures,
Those who made the gloomy days without you,
Of all the unhealthy and over darkened ways
This made for our searching, our memories so failing,
Yes, in spite of all, some small conicle of beauty,
Some shape of beauty moves away the pall upon your coffin
From dark spirits come dark tidings,
Such the sun, such is the moon,
With one we see, with the other you touch me,
To see you on a white horse towards me riding,
Leaping great obstacles to find me,
Yet somehow when we met, my love belied me,
Trees young and old, sprouting a shady boon
For simple sheep; and such are daffodils
With the green world they live in; emptied by the child’s breath
Across the pastures that you tend to,
Be my shepherd my Endymion, my Sarah
Be a cooling cover for me, against the hot season
Of the tributaries of fate, and a mightier doom I could not have foretold,
As the oracle of Thebes, I dreamt a might dread,
All loving tales which were heard of read
Where untrue and became myth
As over came the great and fearful man of the scythe
To take fair Sarah across the Styx and tides
Rich with its fair musk-rose perfume
I wished somehow I could have joined your doom
To be together even where there nothing forever
To have held you as you died and suffered the same fate
To not have been bait for your untimely doom
To not have another man in the room
To be with you only
I wish I wish if only
I call for you
Can we be together soon?
What do I have to do?
That’s what I’m asking you?
Where are you?

And such too is the grandeur of the dooms,
I imagined for you in your life a mighty dread
An endless fountain of immortal drink awaits you
Pouring as moons rays from heaven’s brink.

And do I feel your essences
For one short hour; on youtube, each day,
I hold tears beneath my breath
As always I see you have left
And we never had the promise
Of love and marriage and a horse drawn carriage
Carrion is mine life, a gloom overcast
This is always with me, and I wish I had died
As true is true and false is false
I come to dwarf the mountainside of the barrier
Tormenting barrier
That bars me from you
And you from me
Can life be such ironic duplicity
Is fate a damned demon of devilish pretentions
Or will the Lord give me my petition
For trouble though the world sees
Is before me and so is the double duplicity
Of holding
Wishing only wishing to hold
As my body withers with mould
To be apart from the bread of my life
My one and true and only wife.

To those who read this epic poem
Inspired by a troubled man, one so longing
I see in his words my words and in the beginning
The word was with God
Thus is God love
And so I with full happiness trace the story of my Endymion,
My Sarah.

The very music of the name has gone
Into my being, and each pleasant scene
Is growing fresh before me as the green
Of our own vallies, so I will begin:

Be all about me, a sober gold glass of light
Adventure with me, I send my herald to the wilderness
To blow a trumpet of winter’s end
In summer shall the Buffy come
And become one whole that you can hold
Quickly dress the uncertain path with green
So that you can be seen, that I may speed easily onwards, through the
Flowers and weeds of human needs
And shoots of new life that bind mortals to Earth’s sad plight
As Brighton’s lights unyielding to night
Bring all pleasant life and blowing winds
A clattering, a clattering of minnow fins
Out to enjoy its night, oh bright Brighton,
Bright.

Full in the middle of this pleasantness
There stood a marble altar within the club
Of Charles Street where first I caught sight
Of my love
With a dress black clothed in beauty
An apparition from a heaven of goddess’
A crown of hair so moving as horses gallop
Elegant and energetic
Crumbling torment though it seems now
I hope one day it will melt as dust
Drowning sorrows in divining ritual
I break to see my heart in place
As before it became a watery drop of death
As I saw you change your face
Coming towards me as I girlishly ran away
In fright of what to say
I saw you change your face
And then felt that this was not my Sarah
And so as a lost sheep strays from the flock
I fell down a mount doom, an imperilled fate I should have blocked
A river carries me down a chasm and waterfall, alight in spasm
And yet I do not die,
Yet I do not live
Yet Apollo’s upward fire
Makes every eastern cloud a silvery pyre
Of brightness so unsullied, that therein
A melancholy spirit well might win
Oblivion, and melt out his essence fine
Yet my love would remain, an invisible chime
That would break and burn and crush and crumble all that were not made of stronger stuff
So nothing remains – a burning candle that has gone to the end of the wick
I feel troubled to wait, I need some sign, I cannot satiate my thirst
For My Endymion,
I fear wandering evermore as a lost sheep in the moors
Amid a craggy hill, of stone circles and clawed rocks of a vulture hill
That as I clamber up waiting ever more for the top
I lose breath and cannot move any further
I feel so bad about your murder.

Your body's ashes lost to the wind: rain-scented burnt petals of a rose

gave temperate sweets to that well-wooing sun;cold springs had run

to warm the chilled bubbles in the grass;

man's voice was shouting by the fountain; and the mass

of nature's lives and wonders pulsed tenfold,

to feel this sunrise and its glories old.

Now while the silent workings of the dawn

oversaw your bodies removal, my mind blanked by evil, lost all sight and thought of your return. a troop of cia officers told me stories of your death and life and death as a turning wheel of torture, yet with joyful cries to break me further. Ere their ears sated, with a faint breath of music, rocket soul was played to stop the pain i could not stop, as immortal symmetry of superpower and hand and eye came together to bring closure to both me and the world financial system.

Witin a little space again it gave

its airy swellings, with a gentle wave, to light-hung streets, in smoothest echoes breaking, through merchant banks, stock markets, bond market and hedge fund clad vallies- ere their death, oer-taking, the surgy murmurs of the lonely sea.