VOGUE Taliban, Issue 1: 1348 AH An islamic fashion house that is converting the world to its style using the sword! Kabul fashion house Qiyamah, believed by the CIA to be part of the Al-Quaeda network, is taking Afghanistan by storm with its killer designs for burkhas that can be worn in a variety of places. Whether you are a Muslim woman working in an office or out on your annual jihad trip to Tel Aviv, you can be certain to get noticed, searched and perhaps even be put in Guantanimo Bay. All the guys will love you in these fabulous and glamourous outfits. Qiyamah is bringing new edges to medieval styles and making new uses of the colour black with gradiations in textures and materials. New ones have hidden pouches and a noticeble drop in the hem. This has outraged leading scholars because it is against Islamic law to have a garment that is so long it trails behind you. Qiyamah’s leading fashion designer Abu ‘the hook or crook’ Hamza has hit back with a declaration of jihad on all those who do not wear his designs. As one of the Islamic fashion world’s leading fashionistas he is known for using cutting edge design but now he is taking the fashion world by storm by converting everyone to his style using the sword. Go Hamza! Zionist conspiracies or Dieting, what’s more important Some people think that life is all about Zionist Conspiracies. We all know that Zionists control the world but really is that the main thing in life? Haven’t you thought about how dieting is really important too? Delicious food may be nice to make for your husband and children but really a minute on the lips is an eternity on the hips (yes that’s right girls leading scholars say that if you are fat in dounir then you will be fat in the akhira!). Are you really going to like to have to diet in jannat when your husband has so many houris around him? You too can keep up with the wide eyed pure women from heaven with our simple guide to dieting. Also why not combine two objectives with one action? Diet and make intention to fast for Allah (SWT) and you can get into jannat as well as look sexy and trim. Don’t forget that going on jihad is a great way to lose the pounds and you get to spend more time with your husband! Bin Laden’s latest statement on how fashion can be both fabulous and jihad Bin Laden’s latest statement addresses muslimah, for the first time in history. In this version edited by Vogue Taliban’s official envoy from the CIA Bin Laden notes “fashion and jihad can be fabulous at the same time!” He then talks a lot about stuff that our CIA envoy does not want you to hear and then says “The Judaeo-Christian Alliance is the great evil satan and must be destroyed”. Which may or may not have been in the tape but anyway, we at Vogue Taliban think that what Bin Laden would have said is that “fashion, fashion, fashion then jihad. Jihad is a struggle to overcome the Judaeo-Christian alliance so if you wear your burkhas strategically then sooner or later America will submit to our glamorous Talibanistic state. Sorry the CIA envoy came in there and insisted that we must avoid any fashion related comments about Bin Laden, though we are allowed to print things that stimulate terrorism, which is just so “War On Terror”, darling. We are allowed to note that Bin Laden has said that the jihad colours this season are green, black and white. Apostate-Judaeo-Christian turncoats are not in any more and are officially punishable by death from jihadi fashionistas (or jifashidistas as we girls at the office call them). Yes get the wrong design and you simply might die! You’ve had your warning girls!
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